"Vision" - 9/11/05

i am afraid of your sarcasm
(even though i am sarcastic to a fault)
i am afraid of your ambition
(though i am driven toward a mission with no peace in sight)
i am embarrassed by your arrogance
(though i've long clutched my own confidence as proudly as a jewel)
i suppose i have a crush on where clouds overlap

i am put off by your tendency
to call me when i'm busiest
(though were you not to i'd be mysteriously disappointed)
laugh away, blind witness to history repeating itself
in my willingness to succumb
(though charming is not exactly what i'd call you)
i suppose i have a need to feel understood by gypsies and strangers, even after years of learning and relearning they are bound to let me down

i'm admittedly excited by the prospect of collaboration
yet keenly aware that I hate to share pastels
(why would it be different, this time than in the past)
haunted, i envy in you what i'd be better off admiring
from a distance - which is _____
(oh how to frame something you merely wish you felt, saw, were)
i suppose i have a weakness for beauty
so in-focus i can see its blood pumping

through sapphire veins, shameless, hypnotic
I see it in you and they told me
vision would be a curse
(to say the least)
sometimes canopies resemble skeletons

lying down - curtainless - i count ceiling stars